


without him there is no world

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: ‘I told you I love you and you told me you didn't’





	

He didn’t mean to say it. It came out before he could stop it, and the moment it was done, he wished he could stuff it back inside.

What he wasn’t expecting was what Lukas said back.

_“I love you.” Philip said, shaking his head, a smile on his lips._

_Lukas went still, looking over at him, his bike helmet hugged to his chest._

_Philip realized what he said, and felt the heat rise to his cheeks._

_It seemed like an eternity passed before Lukas finally said, “I-I don’t.”_

_And all the breath was knocked from Philip’s lungs. All of a sudden he was backing up, backing away, needing to just get out._

_Lukas called his name, but instead of saying anything, Philip turned around, walked away, didn’t look back._

_He didn’t look back. He couldn’t._

Lukas calls him 4 times that night, and sends a string of texts that Philip deletes before he reads.

He’s mortified. He didn’t even mean to say the damn thing, and to make it worse, Lukas shot it down immediately.

_I dont. I dont. I dont._

The words ring in his head and smash against his ribs and poke him from the inside until he’s sick to his stomach.

The phone rings again, and this time, with a sigh, he brings it to his ear.

“Stop calling, Lukas. I’m trying to sleep.”

“Philip, just let me-“

He slams his finger into the ‘end call’ button, and tosses the phone onto his bed.

He doesn’t get a wink of sleep, but Lukas doesn’t try and call back, and for that, he’s grateful.

-

When someone grabs onto his arm at the end of the day, Philip is sure he’s about to get the shit beat out of him. He reaches out for his locker in vain, but ends up jogging backwards with the person that’s pulling him.

He turns in their grip, sees a crop of blonde hair on a tall figure, and knows.

He should have figured this was coming. He’s avoided all of Lukas’ attempts to talk to him all day. Lukas is making it so that Philip can’t ignore him by taking him somewhere.

That somewhere ends up being the janitors closet.

He gives him a light shove inside, and pulls the door closed behind them, locking it.

“Was this really necessary?” Philip asks.

“You won’t talk to me.”

“For a reason.”

Lukas frowns, and rakes a hand through his hair.

“I take it back, okay? I take it back. I take it back.”

Lukas’ face falls, lips parting.

“Is that good enough? Is that what you wanted?”

“Philip-“

Philip tugs his arm out of Lukas’ grip, and backs up.

“I think I’m done, Lukas.”

“What? Done with what?”

Philip’s brows pull together, and he averts his gaze.

“This. Us.” He says.

He’s expecting Lukas to stop him when he tries to leave. But instead, Lukas just steps out of the way, and opens the door for him.

-

Things are a lot simpler without Lukas. There is no hiding, there is no lying.

There’s just missing him.

But Philip has learned to miss people. He’s used to it. He manages it.

On the third week without Lukas, the two get paired together for a project. The class splits into their pairs, and heads to the library, everyone finding a little area to settle in.

Lukas walks all the way to the back without a word, knowing Philip has to follow him.

They sit down in between two of the shelves at the back of the library, in the section no one cares about. It’s awkward as hell. Like, cut-the-tension-with-a-knife awkward.

“I can do the photos for it. That way we can take exactly what we need, and won’t have to go searching online.”

“You’re much better than any of those people online.” Lukas says, flipping open his laptop.

Philip’s cheeks flush, and he shifts backwards until he hits the shelf behind him.

“You can do the powerpoint, if that’s cool.”

“Sure.” Lukas says.

They lapse into more uncomfortable silence, and usually Philip would break it, but today, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to anymore.

“I miss you.” Lukas says softly, looking up froths laptop. Philip clears his throat, and draws his knees to his chest. He loosely wraps his arms around them, and presses his lips together.

“Dont.”

“I do.”

“I told you I didn’t want to be your bitch, and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be the person you go to when things suck, and you want to be comforted. My life isn’t perfect either.” Again, the words come out before he can stop them.

Lukas’ face falls.

“I don’t-I know your life isn’t perfect. Im not-“ Lukas stammers.

“Let’s just do this and be done.” Philip says.

“I broke up with Rose.”

“You did what?”

“I-I dumped her.”

“Why?”

Lukas’ brows pull together.

“I can’t-I don’t want to tell anyone about-about us yet. But I had to do something. To-to prove. That I mean it.”

“Mean what?”

Lukas swallows, gaze dropping to the ground.

“I-uh-I love you.”

Philip’s stomach rolls.

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that because you feel bad, or because I said it, or-“

“I mean it.”

Philip doesn’t know what to say.

Philip hasn’t loved a lot of people. He could count them all on one hand. Being loved isn’t something he’s used to, and so now, the fact that this boy is sitting in front of him, saying it, he doesn’t know if he can believe it. He wants to, god, he wants to.

But he doesn’t know if he can.

“Lukas.”

“I love you and it scares me. And I wish you didst-you didn’t feel that way-because I don’t deserve it. I’ve done fucked up things and I’ve hurt you and I can’t fix it. Ive tried to make it go away, but I still just, I still love you so much it hurts.” He says. It’s the most open Lukas has ever been with him; probably the most open he’s been with anyone in his life.

“I said what I said because I-I’m so scared of feeling it, but I can’t make it go away, and the only way to make it stop hurting is to be with you.” Lukas says.

Philip hesitates just a moment, before pulling himself onto his knees, and sitting down beside Lukas. He reaches up, turning Lukas’ face towards his. Lukas’ breath hitches as Philip’s fingers trace down his jaw. Philip drops his eyes to Lukas’ mouth, and back up.

And finally, finally, finally, Lukas leans in, and kisses him. It’s soft and careful and tender, and over in seconds. Philip pulls back, and licks his lips.

“Say it again.” Philip says.

“I love you.” Lukas says, less nervously than before, more sure.

“One day, Philip, I’m not gonna be scared anymore. Just-please don’t go. Please stick around until then.” He says. Philip nods, lips pressed together.

“Never.” He says.

And he means it. He really, truly, means it.


End file.
